Back to Me... Again...

So the past week sucked, I lost a few pounds from it all, hopefully I can be semi-normal now that he seems to be trying again. Assuming that lasts. Hoping that lasts... I know I shouldn't depend on him so much to feel good about myself. I'm working on it.

It's spring now and I have things to do!

1.) Practice my hooping!!!
2.) Practice spinning my poi.
3.) Practice belly dance more like I used to.
4.) Start jogging with the walking and do new forms of exercises.
5.) Get a mountain bike and start doing that a couple times a week.
6.) Find some good hiking trails that are semi-close by.

The probably boring for you part... but big for me...

7.) BIG ONE - Talking to my mom and trying to work out becoming a real estate appraiser. Because I have done this her in the past, I might be able to get my license in NJ where she works, and transfer it up here, which would be quicker than if I just did it up here because she can give me more and better hours so I can take my state test sooner... like within the year. So, I have to do my 75 hours of coursework which I can do online to get my provisional license, get my 2500 hours of experience, which will be kept track of by my mom, since I already have experience from the apprecticeship I started with her a few years ago, it'll make less time for me to be able to get my license. I already know a lot of how to appraise the house, it's just the computer program, some lingo, and some legal stuff I need to learn. From what my mom said, once I finish the coursework, it's just studying for the state test thats a pain, but the rest is pretty easy because the computer program does all of the math for you.

I still want to do permanent makeup but this might be more realistic for now. I've always liked doing this with my mom too. Plus, once I'm licensed and getting work, I can work from home, and make my own hours (within reason), which will be great once it comes time to have kids and stuff. My mom makes pretty good money doing it too. I like jobs where the harder you work, the more money you make.

The coursework, which I have to do first for the provisional license, is only about $800 which is way less than the permanent makeup class, which is about $4500. I have the money for the coursework classes now, so as soon as I figure out how my mom and I could possibly do this, I'm doing that.

Back to normal crap.

Sometimes I wonder if once I have a decent career and a kid or two, I'll be more able to be happy and relax because I won't feel like I'm on some clock anymore. I can't help but think I won't be as dependant on a guy to feel good about myself anymore either. It seems the more independant I am, the more independant I become... It makes sense to me.

I do need more confidence in myself and other people though. Like the Depeche Mode quote...
"I hope you learn to trust, have faith in both of us, and keep room in your heart for two."
Well, that's me.

Got the sex twice in the past day though. Good stuff. Though, it's been so long and few and far between that I am sore for the first time in a really long time from the sex we had last night.

Trying to be more positive and have more belief in myself. There's no way I am regressing to how I was when I was with Paul.

Done for now.