Get it over with.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I slept alone last night.

He's not trying to find a better job. Still.

He's watching porn more than he's trying to have sex with me. Still.

I think he may have created an account on one of those find random whores to fuck type websites last month. He says it's from like 4 years ago but things point toward it being made last month.

He hasn't even tried to give me an orgasm in over 4 months. I'm not tough either.

I don't want to, and shouldn't have to, support my 40 year old boyfriend. I feel like I belong working in the strip club, I'm the girl supporting her bf just like them now.

I don't want to be in pain anymore, but I dread the pain of ending it too.

I'm tired of crying.

I'm tired of not feeling like myself anymore.

I'm tired of being with someone that can't show me I'm worth some effort.

I want to be able to feel that he loves me, and wants me, but I'm not sure I see that happening. Ever. And I can't be with that.

If this is it, this is what I moved up to, it was not worth it at all, because I was shown I'm not worth it to him. I would be worth it for many other people.

If I move back to Pa I'll offer him a chance to move there with me, but I don't think he will. It would make more sense for me to be there doing this apprenticeship with my mom anyway. If he won't move there bc of FQ then that means FQ is more important than me and I'm better off without him anyway. I should be more important than a game to him, bc I am more important than a game.

Part of me just wants to leave to get the pain over with.

Maybe I should be on Tough Love.